It's been some time since I have lost someone personally that I was close too. Not that it matters, because truth be told, I feel a sense of that loss for anyone that loses somebody, even if it's someone I don't know well. One of my favorite things to do is reach out to someone and give them a much unexpected full hug. I LOVE HUGS.
But as I type this, I can tell you that we need to reach out to grieving people, happy people, unsure people and then some. Even if it may be that we're afraid because we don't know what to say, or want to respect their privacy or, I love this one, "don't want to give them the wrong idea that you may be paying attention to them."
I personally have never been one to feel the need to stay in my place in those respects. But what has become clear to me is that the phone calls, text messages, emails and yes, even the facebook posts are an immense help to everyone!
This involves knowing our own power and what our simple words and gestures can bring to another human being. We must have self-esteem to realize that "I'm so sorry" or "how ya doing" carries weight, that even if the person doesn't want to talk now, that person may later say "call me, text me, email me anytime, day or night" is GOLD. Even better, hearing that from a dozen or more other people means that no matter what the situation is, that person has a go to option to feel loved. OH- and if there was a matter of a disagreement, pending release of things owed or borrowed, work it out later or don't, but remember. We are all humans. We all have that top layer to us where our thoughts direct our choices based on our values, goals, intent and beliefs.
Thoughtful acts like taking step out of place, are not only strokes for the receiver, they produce warm feelings for myself when I reach out assertively. Even if it is possible comedic sarcasm :) I never worry about objection anymore, a common excuse for avoiding assertions! These movements involve concern for the other person, and some courage of my own. Yet, realistically, who could reject such a kindness? And really, why would you think people are stalking you? There is a reason they are friends with you from somewhere.
It used to be for me that facebook, myspace, livejournal and so much more were just for fun. I used to think; why do we need to communicate with so-and-so from high school or a former co-worker when we've been just fine without contact for all these years?
I'll tell you why. Because that former high school friend whom I spent every day with in some way or co-worker whom I had a nice rapport with forever ago may be the one who writes to me with advice, comments or support that fills me with glorious happiness for even a moment. The person that I connected with, even fleetingly, might be the one that recommends a fabulous book when I'm ready to seek someone else's written word. For instance, I received an unexpected package of venison jerky last week from an old high school pal who knows how much I MISS venison! (yes I am an hunter, have missed it a few years, but it's in my blood)
Because of sheer volume, responses to things on any social site can be where I go again and again to breathe my way through a tough moment, to divert me for a little while as it all sinks in. It makes all the rest of it better, it causes for other ways of thinking and concepts, it shows us the friends and family who are physically there and whose voices and hugs bring much-needed love. It's been a topic of discussion in our house as to why others do or don't reach out more often.
And while my focus here might be on doing this in happy times, my strong suggestion holds true –of course– in sad, questionable and troubling times too. Ask anybody who has experienced an outpouring of birthday love on a social site if that isn’t pause for gratitude and a refocus on priorities. It is community love, concentrated, intense and reverberating.
Reach out, people. Really. Different faces, different places and all different walks of life.
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