Shut the front door!!

Alright, so it's been an interesting subject the last few days with various people about what I do, what I want to do and where I am going. Here is the thing, not all SAH-Mom's have no idea what to do with their time, when to say what to whom and fall under the tree of "no idea what's going on with the world." Granted yes, I will admit that there are some days when I take a step back and ask myself, "when was the last time you watched the news?" But then I have my hubby to thank for his knowledge and updates. This guy can read articles on his cell phone for hours at a time, all I have to do is ask "whatcha reading about" and he is happy to share his story. With all the extra details! Sometimes I have to point out to get to the point, but nonetheless I love this part of him.

So this may be a bit of a rampage nice post with explanations. Time to pull out the monsters from under the bed and ask them to help me say this (can you hear me with my monster mom voice now?) This is about things we shouldn't say to SAHM's.

"What do you do with all that free time?"

"Oh you know, I sit on the couch watching talk shows all day, facebooking with my girlfriends, while I gracefully sip my latte and eat chocolate" HA!! I fix three full meals and two snacks every day; I make beds; I clean up constantly - toys, dust, vacuuming, wiping spills; I wipe noses; I wipe bottoms; I toilet train; I teach manners; I chase my kids; I play cars and trucks and robots and trains oh, and pretend play, games etc.; I read to my children; I do crafts with my children; I tickle my children; I run errands; I schedule every freaking appointment you can think of; I volunteer at big man's school; like a million other small things that fill up every single second of my day. So basically, I do nothing.

As anyone who's spent a day alone with a child under age 4 can explain, there's hardly time to use the bathroom, let alone lounge around. Questions like this come from people who don't know what it's like to scrub off the chairs, change diapers which later moves to changing clothes if there is a potty accident or the kid decides to color on him/herself when I look away for 2 minutes, hell, let's fold laundry again. Plus, depending on the kid's, there are times when I hardly have a second to myself, because my child could choke on something or fall off of any random household piece of furniture if I look away for a moment. This has literally caused me to seem OCD about my home being clean and free of clutter. I enjoy the OCD a bit now though, it's nice to have a clean space for the fam to thrive in. (Most days- "smirk")

"If you're tired, why don't you nap when your kid does?"

Newsflash: Kids don't always nap every day. When they are newborns, sure. But kids grow. The only thing worse than attempting to fully function on a wink of an hour nap time is hearing "maybe you could nap when they do?" We are down to a nap maybe twice a week in our house now, my little is almost 4. I can tell when she is cranky and ready to take a snooze, and when it happens I am RUNNING around the house catching up on something else. It's a rarity when I say, "ahhh, quiet time, I'm going to read a book." Nope, I read when everyone else is in bed actually. And yep, the dishes won't wash themselves. Damn.

"Your husband must do really well. I couldn't afford to stay home!" "It's just a luxury that we can't afford"

Yeah, it is pretty luxurious with all the snot wiping and no vacations and the smell of various cleaning products, sanitizers and soaps I can seem to get off my hands. Oh and~ However hefty our account balance is, a comment about my family's cash flow can rub me the wrong way. Besides, that assumption might not even be true. We truly make calculated and tough choices. There are many things we would LOVE to have, like to enjoy and splurge on. It takes time to learn this still. While some of the highest-earning guys have wives who stay home, so do just as many of the lowest-earning ones! And, a lot of the time, not only does the guy earn a small paycheck, but also, the woman's own earning power is low compared to the cost of childcare—which means that working hardly pays off, especially with the time and stress involved.

On the other side of the coin, many women earn as much as (or more than) their hubby's, so choosing to stay home means sacrificing major bucks—for instance, I had a "job" and it truly could have gone somewhere BIG, but I realized that this job was taking up more time than what I was giving back to my family. I may not have continued the amazing run, went for the gusto with the big paychecks but I did give all the time back to my children and in such a short time, it has paid off beyond what I was expecting. AND it's improved the vows.

"When are you going to return to a job?"

OK- so you are saying that I should have a mapped out plan? Let's look at a little reality. The economy right now is leaving people struggling everywhere. It doesn't leave a lot of room to figure out the immediate future. As I Mom, sure I worry that when I choose to return to the workforce that I will be able to get a job. But guess what, I don't need some reminding of it. Asking when also implies that it may just be a temporary detour, when it may not be for that person. Try asking me if I am interested in returning to work someday, not when.


"So you're never going to get to read a book again. Travel. Or Shower. Or enjoy anything you like."

This was a great one when I first became a stay at home mom. Generally coming from fellow mothers who stayed at home all day with infants or toddlers. I swear to crap this was retrying to commiserate, not terrify, but sometimes this comes off as more discouragement more than camaraderie. It's the old "I suffered through it and now it's your turn, so I am going to let you know how tough it is" thing. Why does it seem like other parents are more afraid to emphasize the great things about having children? If there was not those amazing and incredible moments, then they certainly wouldn't be having multiple kids! Try this method. It's kinder. "Oh you are at home with your 3 month old?" "How is it going so far?" You are then leaving a door open to build on that Mothers positive things and help her move forward to more of the joys that will come.

Oh I like this one: "I could never do what you do, because I would just freak out without having adult conversation."

Um, guess what?! Mary Poppins got paid. Whether intentionally condescending or accidentally so, maybe these kinds of comments may stem from someone else's insecurity about their own role as a parent. There's a lot of jealousy on both sides—from working moms and stay-at-home moms, because honestly, neither situation is easy. It's like what we all went through in seventh grade—if you can't feel great about what you're doing, the next best thing is to feel better than someone else, so you put the other Mom's choices down. NOT Cool- you are so, like, ugh.

There is a few more, but now this post has gone awry and I am finished being cranky.

Unlocking

The weekend has come and is now about to go out the door. The weeks have passed and gone with a fury. Yet each day I feel like they are not long enough! I find that keeping up with my kids while attempting to unlock other doors personally can be challenging. Nonetheless, I am going to turn keys, knock harder, break hinges if I have to and show myself it's possible!

Speaking of all things possible; never thought I'd see my son climb up a 25 foot ladder to the top of an inflatable slide only to come down 6 more times with a HUGE smile on his face. I've loved any type of inflatable bouncing castle since I was young. In fact, I remember it was one of the first things I ran to at our old county fair. This is what the air filled fun & the idea of his massive climb looked like. I attribute the braveness to his good pal pushing him along gently with smiles and laughter. Watching boys play and overcome fears is something I have come to appreciate more often. I've appreciated overcoming my own and still do.


While time has sped by, it's allowed me to turn inward quite a bit. Life stopped moving smoothly for a while and I found that I was spreading myself too thin, spending time on things that truly didn't matter. I was not taking moments to assess what I wanted to conquer next. I have always known that there was a reason and purpose I was birthed into this world- but never focused on it. It has has been quite devastating. Seems as though as Wife & Mom I thought that falling into the "place" of what others thought I was, well it was OK and completely normal. Seems like many think it is an assumed title that you give ALL to your kids and family. And believe me I do. BUT- we can't forget we are human, we have passions and we need to feel happy with where we are when those kids move out the door and into their own pursuit of happiness.

Going with the flow has led me to say "yes" to everything and everyone else, except my own interests and needs. As of last year, I have decided to focus a lot of my energy into changing this. So I began redefining the foundation of who I REALLY am and what I bring into this world.

I think that if you are in a transition and ready for a change, or just want to tap into your highest creative potential you have to make it a process: So it has gone like this so far.

1. Evaluating my priorities.

There has been many days, evenings and afternoons during an hour of nap time where I have pulled out a sheet of paper, listened to music at the same time and wrote down important questions. 1. What is important to me? 2. What makes me happy? 3. What would I do for FREE?

My immediate responses were: helping others, working with people and public, being around and listening to ANY music. AHA!! There we have it, these are things I need to work on doing more of.

2. Freeing myself of things that truly don't serve any good.

My best self generally feels energized, alive with smiles and kindness, feels as though I have given and contributed with progress for the better being made. With this in mind I have taken more time to look at my life and all of the things I was doing. For each activity it is mentally noted, Does [X] motivate and energize me? Help move my priorities for myself and my family forward? Provide more opportunities for growth and tapping into more relationships? Play a positive role?

Those questions were HUGE and it flipped the switch of change/no change. So I have ended some things that were not aligned with my purpose, requested that my spouse and I continue to grow in our relationship with counseling, read more books, go see more live performances/shows, give everyone a chance to show me themselves and let go of acquaintances who have purely stabbed me/pushed me the wrong way too many times and tried to play nice later, or are energy SUCKERS.

I've felt like moving to a new area in the metro, scary to think about, but could be better for other paths. I have started to read more (thank you book club), I make it a point to go to more concerts and live shows 3 times a month, started working out on a consistent basis while having a (mostly) clean diet, and have started to surround myself with more people who share the same values, challenge me and help me feel like the best ME. Love is included in here; there is more days where I feel more love for the hubby than ever before, because he accepts ME for who I am, recognizes that I have dreams too and above all; wants to make a better US.

Now I have to move on to step #3- this is coming this week; setting up a structured schedule.

I have used the phrase often in the last few weeks. "There goes my frontal lobes popping again." Oh yeah, I am quite the imaginative gal. I also am very motivated to get things done. But I am also an inflated bouncer. If I kept myself to a more structured schedule daily and weekly, it will get me more excited. I think feeling the most inspired to do MORE is when I do the good work, am active, and include play (with my littles too- they are liking this activity more often but it isn't scheduled...yet) For instance, was this mud mayhem scheduled today? No. Oh hell no! Any Mom who does this may get evaluated as out of her freaking mind. But does it make me happy to see them happy? Absolutely.

Step #4 is coming. I've made a decision where I am going to go with a career path. Someone told me I was getting a late start. I say I've only just begun and only I can determine the end. The locked doors have been found, the keys are on the chain and now to turn them.

Getting there...

Ok, so I have not touched this in a while, but it is coming around. I'm getting there.


Since the last time I grazed this blog, there has been a slew of tumultuous occurrences in life. Then again I wouldn't expect it any other way. Because I think without that there wouldn't be that point of ultimate happiness. But it's getting there.

Looking back to November; well we had the holidaze come and go. I had my own surprise couples weekend with the hubby- it couldn't have happened at a better time. We needed it; I needed it- to get back to a place where we were 7 years ago. We're getting there again.

We were happy to give to so many! To see love and smiles come through their faces when receiving, it was truly priceless. Sure, it was an extra hit on the pocketbook, but that's just money. The accounts are getting there once again to the point of smoothing out.

With the holidaze; guess what, I went to church on Christmas- to be with my family. I felt out of place. There is a change coming for me spiritually that has been in process for a few years really. I don't have the exact answers yet, but this is who I know myself to be...I'm getting there.

I've been taking a lot of time, drives, letters, communication, phone calls, text messages and emails since last year. It is causing some waves of emotions internally and in my soul. I'm very lucky to have the people that love me in my life "right now." I'm very lucky to have the tenacity to see it through. I'm getting to the point of finding my passions once again.

This post is very cryptic. I realize this. But it will come to the point where it's a blow over and make sense later. Until then- stay there. I'm here.