Up & Down with the sickness

I think in the last week there has been so many sick things going on in our house it quite possibly made my life in a little bit of need for an all around boost of adrenaline to keep going. UGH.
There were things that made me sick to my stomach, kids who have been sick coming up on week 2 now and quite possibly the sickest goals accomplished personally!

Let me begin by complaining about the moment your kid gets sick. Well one of them. Remember when one gets sick this means that the other is sure to get sick too and they will keep passing it between the two of them! Having your school aged kid home sick for a whole week can be kind of maddening. I didn't realize how much the girly adjusted to having her big bro gone during the day and having her own time with Mom. So there was lots of things passed around last week aside from symptoms of sickness! Yes I am talking swings, kicks, nit picks, playdough across the table, finger pointing, tattle tales and oh yeah; did I mention sickness? The dreaded up and down fevers, "you need to eat some food hun" (repeat) "bubble gum or grape flavor?" showers and baths twice a day and lots of pajamas in the washer. And here we are today with the boy back in school (I don't say this often; hallelujah!!) unfortunately, now the girl is sick again after seeming all better. This time though...Mom is worried sick that it may be something worse in her lungs. SO we are off to the doctor today I am sure. I am so sick of doctor bills! But then again; I am thankful for health insurance. I can also be thankful for extra cuddles, snuggles & Mommy calls.

So what made me sick to my stomach? A few weeks ago it was Halloween and naturally my kids are/were still coming down from their sugar high (before sickness of course) next week is Thanksgiving. Now I love Christmas, I really do! But when I walked into some stores TWO DAYS after Halloween; I saw the giant Merry Christmas sign walking through the doors of my fave retail store. Naturally everything Christmas makes me merry & bright. But seriously; can it wait till after Thanksgiving?? I am thankful for many things but it almost didn't give me a chance to be thankful I put up the dang Halloween Deco this year! It almost influenced my thoughts to forget to write down things I am thankful for all together. A tradition every year for me~ retail stores are out to brainwash me. AND the kids too. We received 3 toy books in the last 2 weeks and there are pages with circles on each one. Too many circles. I am thankful for layaway this year.

I will be ready for Christmas music next week. After I have my tryptophan induced comatose on the couch and my heaping serving of turkey and stuffing~ After Thanksgiving then I shall
And here we arrive at the next best topic before and after the holiday madness. The topic that every Mom battles at some point of the year. Yep; it's the cycle of health and weight loss and exercise! So many different approaches, thoughts and what not to what is considered healthy these days it can be a bit mind boggling. Well yes, I have had some goals too. Let's drop a few before the Christmas holiday and get in shape a bit more. Last week goals were smashed!! It was completely SICK (check your urban dictionary) how awesome it felt to exercise more than what I had anticipated/reached for! Out of the 9 days tracking food and what I eat~ 8 of those was fulfilled with the toxins being pushed out and sweating! Sweating is fat crying...I saw that phrase somewhere last week. Perfect. But here is a reality and my reminder as to what matters most.

I am worth so much more. Doesn't mean that I will let myself go as a woman though! I feel it is my duty to give my inner beauty to my children, husband, friends & family. And if I am going to continue that; I need to be healthy for them! So the goals continue and today my body will cry again. This is probably why I am not sick today!

But I also believe that beauty is a living thing. It breathes. It evolves. It means different things at different times. So as soon as I think I’ve figured out exactly where I am on the spectrum, I look at myself again. Try sometime to look at how someone else looks at you. Try dancing. Try being naked or running or dressing up or laughing or feeling happy. You’ll look different, suddenly, and again. You can’t be captured. You can’t be rated. You can’t be conveniently categorized. If someone tries to do these things to you, they clearly don’t understand very much about being alive. Eat the damn ice cream...you're sure to be sick later with wishing you did. And your kids will wonder what's wrong with you.

There is that feeling

WARNING: Not a particularly happy Mommy post about life with kids; this is a personal Mommy post with a nice place to be reminded again. Some positive...maybe.

There is that feeling. A hard feeling. You know the one; the one where you sometimes want to just be a brutal and mean being. The one feeling when you know that your personal relationships and feelings are in play with someone else who can't seem to keep their mouth shut, speak truths of you or know you for who you really are.

Then there is that little tiny voice in your head that says; OK so move forward!! But then there is your heart...your heart. My heart. My heart that says; keep trying. Don't give up. There may be something to salvage there. Keep trying, keep giving; forgive and love them back.

Bitterness is hard; I wish it were easier like dark chocolate kinda hard. I can imagine how easily that would melt away. Good thing we have a ridiculously uber HUGE stash of candy now.

So; Guidelines.
I will from now on demand respect. I will not make excuses, offer no explanations, engage in no passive-aggressive or otherwise disrespectful action myself. I will simply assert myself and demand respect because any other outcome is unacceptable. I owe it to myself to conduct my life in a way that increases my self-respect and maximizes the probability that I actualize my potential. Taking care of myself is part of the potential that I need to nurture. Then I can nurture my children more, nurture my marriage and my friendships that I do have.

I will also be mindful; other people's misbehavior is often subtle and easily missed when we are more patient and ask more questions internally. I will notice how I feel and be patient as I build the skills to identify what this is about. Who is mistreating me? Who is not doing their part? Why do I persist in doing "the right thing" no matter what is done to me or despite how I am treated?

And finally: For now, I will try to live every moment in the present. Discover who I am and what I want in my life now. Right now, some chocolate sounds fantabulous~