Oh that word...that one incredible word.

Love is a word that is overused these days, due to lesser feelings often being mistaken for it.

Infatuation

Admiration

Attraction

All of these can pose as love, and can sometimes overwhelm us and fool us into thinking that we have found the real thing when we haven't.  

Those other feelings may be pleasant for a time, but they are not real love.

Real love is rare.

It's something that quite honestly, I believe very few people ever truly experience.

We aren't really in love until we give someone part of ourselves that we can never take back.

They say the most romantic kind of love is the unfinished kind.  

The kind that will forever burn and mark your soul.  Lust tastes sweet.  Love, bittersweet.

Now, insecurity is a side effect of loving too much but receiving little in return.  

Love doesn't self destruct.  We choke it with unkind words.  
We starve it with empty promises.  

We poison it with toxic blame.  We break it by trying to bend it to our will.  

No, love doesn't die on it's own.  

WE KILL IT.

Breath, by bitter breath.  
Wise are those who realize that they hold the fate of their love in their hands and damn blessed are those that learn how to keep it alive. 

Well...I now know how I want to be loved.  It's been an interesting twist of thoughts, cause and effect of actions, everyday occurrences and even just trying over and over to attempt to love someone else for so long.   
So it makes me wonder...is this list too long to set up as an expectation of my own?

 Is it too much to ask?  
Do we let ourselves go to the point of acceptance and know that there isn't anything perfect? 

Sure, I believe that nothing is perfect.  I've seen that fact with my own eyes.  
But...is this too much??

1) Never stop courting.  Never stop dating.  NEVER EVER take me for granted.  Should you want me to marry you, if I even choose marriage again, you promise to be that man that would OWN MY HEART and to fiercely protect it.  This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with.  And I CHOSE YOU.  Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.  Just as you committed to being the protector of my heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance.  Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for me as your lady.  Keep that space always ready to receive me and invite me in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.  You will constantly change.  We will both never be the same people we were when we met, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today.  Change will come, and in that we have to re-choose each other everyday.  THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of my heart, I may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back.  Always fight to win my love just as you did when you were courting me.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in me.  Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged.  If you focus on what you love, you can't help but be consumed by love.  Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to have me as your woman.

5) IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX ME...your job is to love me as I am with no expectation of me ever changing.  And if I change, love what I become, whether its what you wanted or not.

6)  TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions:  It's not my job to make you happy, and I CAN'T make you sad.  You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into our relationship and your love.

7)  NEVER BLAME me if YOU get frustrated or angry at me.  It is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU.  They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility.  When you feel those feelings, take time to get present and look within to understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed.  You were attracted to me because I was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them...when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by me, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow me to JUST BE.  When I'm sad or upset, it is not your job to fix it, it's your job to HOLD ME and let me know it's OK.  Let me know that you hear me and that I'm important and that you are the pillar on which I can always lean.  The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm my emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and un-judging I will trust you and open my soul to you a bit more.  

9) BE SILLY...don't take yourself so damn seriously.  Laugh.  And make me laugh.  Laughter makes everything else easier.

10)  FILL MY SOUL EVERYDAY...learn my love languages and the specific ways that I feel important and validated and CHERISHED.  Ask me to create a list of 10 THINGS that make me feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make me feel like a queen.

11)  BE PRESENT.  Give me not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul.  Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with me, then you are fully WITH ME.  Treat me as you would your most valuable client.  I am.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE ME SEXUALLY, to carry me away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume me and devour me with your strength, and to penetrate me to the deepest levels of my soul.  Let me melt into my feminine softness as I know I can trust you fully.

13) DON'T BE AN IDIOT...And don't be afraid of being one either.  You will make mistakes and so will I.  Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make.  You're not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be stupid.

14) GIVE ME SPACE...A woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes I will need to be reminded to take time to nurture myself.  Sometimes I will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds my soul, and if you give me that space I will come back with new songs to sing...(okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point.  Tell me to take time for myself, ESPECIALLY since I have kids.  I need that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find myself after I get lost in serving you, the kids and the world)

15)  BE VULNERABLE...you don't have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING...Especially those things you don't want to share.  It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let me in when you don't know if I will like what I find...Part of that courage is allowing me to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light.  DROP THE MASK...If you feel like you need to wear a mask around me, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER...The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool.  Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on a relationship.  Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON'T WORRY ABOUT MONEY.  Money is a game, I want to find ways to work together as a  team to win it.  It never helps when teammates fight.  I want to figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past.  Don't let your history hold you hostage.  Holding onto past mistakes that either you or I make, is like a heavy anchor to your relationship and it will hold us back.  FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM.  Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.  

In the end, this is the only advice we need.  If this is the guiding principle through which all our choices are governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of our relationship.  Love will always endure.

In the end relationships...even MARRIAGE isn't about happily ever after.  It's about work and a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity.  Through that work the happiness will come.

Love and even marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs.  Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time. 

See...that isn't too much. It's real. It's everything...Everything I want.