There is that feeling

WARNING: Not a particularly happy Mommy post about life with kids; this is a personal Mommy post with a nice place to be reminded again. Some positive...maybe.

There is that feeling. A hard feeling. You know the one; the one where you sometimes want to just be a brutal and mean being. The one feeling when you know that your personal relationships and feelings are in play with someone else who can't seem to keep their mouth shut, speak truths of you or know you for who you really are.

Then there is that little tiny voice in your head that says; OK so move forward!! But then there is your heart...your heart. My heart. My heart that says; keep trying. Don't give up. There may be something to salvage there. Keep trying, keep giving; forgive and love them back.

Bitterness is hard; I wish it were easier like dark chocolate kinda hard. I can imagine how easily that would melt away. Good thing we have a ridiculously uber HUGE stash of candy now.

So; Guidelines.
I will from now on demand respect. I will not make excuses, offer no explanations, engage in no passive-aggressive or otherwise disrespectful action myself. I will simply assert myself and demand respect because any other outcome is unacceptable. I owe it to myself to conduct my life in a way that increases my self-respect and maximizes the probability that I actualize my potential. Taking care of myself is part of the potential that I need to nurture. Then I can nurture my children more, nurture my marriage and my friendships that I do have.

I will also be mindful; other people's misbehavior is often subtle and easily missed when we are more patient and ask more questions internally. I will notice how I feel and be patient as I build the skills to identify what this is about. Who is mistreating me? Who is not doing their part? Why do I persist in doing "the right thing" no matter what is done to me or despite how I am treated?

And finally: For now, I will try to live every moment in the present. Discover who I am and what I want in my life now. Right now, some chocolate sounds fantabulous~